How To Transform Your Relationship With Yourself

How To Transform Your Relationship With Yourself

How we see the world and interpret the actions of others depends on our relationship with our self. To change your relationships with others, you’ve got to change your relationship with yourself.

Why do we feel unhappy or unfulfilled in our relationships? Why do we complain, judge others or blame them for our problems? Usually, it’s because we feel that way about our self.

Our relationships and life experiences are a reflection of our inner world. How we see the world and interpret the actions of others depends on our relationship with our self.

To change your relationships with others, you’ve got to change your relationship with yourself.

[bctt tweet=”To change your relationships with others, you’ve got to change your relationship with yourself.”]

Own your feelings

Accept that you alone are responsible for the way you think and feel. No one can make you feel that way. Own responsibility for allowing yourself to feel the way you do.

Be self-aware

Step back and observe yourself from a distance. How do you react to people and situations? Are you reacting unconsciously from the “wounded child” or responding in a calm, compassionate manner? When you’re conscious and aware of your feelings in a situation, you have the power to respond, rather than react.

Be authentic

Be true to yourself. There’s no need to put on a mask or a persona for someone else. You are perfect, whole and complete the way you are.

Love yourself unconditionally

Accept yourself for who you are, the parts you like, the parts you don’t. You’re part of divine creation. When you know and believe that, you will love and accept yourself the way you are.

Never belittle yourself

Never put yourself down or disrespect yourself. Don’t allow anyone else to treat you in a way that you don’t approve of. Never accept less than what you deserve – from yourself or anyone else.

Take care of yourself first

Remember the airline stewardess telling you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person next to you? You can’t take care of someone else, your family, or your kids, if you don’t take care of yourself first. Make yourself and your health a priority and do what it takes to get well, in every way.

Get in touch with your Higher Self

Your intuition is your Higher Self, the self that knows without knowing, sees without seeing. It is this self that will guide you towards your higher purpose. Any time you spend in meditation, prayer or solitude, cultivating your relationship with your higher self, will be time well spent.

Learn to connect with yourself at a deeper level, find your purpose, and understand your role in the universe. It will transform your relationship with yourself, and with everyone in your life.

© Priya Florence Shah

Learning To Let Go With Love

One of the hardest things for any person, man or woman, is letting go of a relationship that’s not meant to be. We are often attached to the illusion that this person is “the One” for us, and that if we don’t have him or her, we’ll never find somebody new.

38166927_s

Holding on to disappointment, hurt, blame, anger, resentment, and bitterness, we convince ourselves that “all men are jerks” or “all women are bitches.”

If you’ve just got out of a relationship and are harbouring a lot of resentment against your partner or against the opposite sex, now is NOT the time to start dating again. Your anger and bitterness will poison even the most loving relationship.

When we hang on to baggage from past relationships, we end up projecting our pain on to others in our lives – our families, children and, eventually, our new partners.

Our emotional baggage is usually rooted in our relationships with our own parents, or in bad relationships we’ve had in the past. We have to lighten our load and heal our pain before we can love again.

[bctt tweet=”We have to lighten our load and heal our pain before we can love again.”]

Some of the practices you need to cultivate in order to heal yourself are:

Radical Personal Responsibility:

Take responsibility for the role you played in your relationship, either by taking inappropriate action, not acting altogether or expecting too much. Stop blaming your partner. Own your feelings, so you can change them.

Self-Awareness:

Are there patterns that keep repeating in your relationships? Do you have a tendency to get into relationships with abusive people, or become abusive yourself? Become mindful of your reactions to people and situations. Learn to identify your patterns, and the unhealthy beliefs that are causing them.

Acceptance:

Accept yourself and your partner the way you are. Accept the fact that the relationship was not meant to be, that it didn’t work because it was not your highest and best.

Forgiveness:

Learn to forgive yourself for all the damage that your anger and pain may have caused, and forgive others for being human and acting out their own anger and pain.

Gratitude:

Be grateful that you’re out of a bad relationship, so you can be with someone better suited to your needs. Be grateful for all the lessons you’ve learned from your partner.

Compassion:

Learn to look at all people as human beings dealing with their own pain. Spend some time seeing the world through their eyes and you’ll become less judgmental.

Detachment:

Learn to let go of unhealthy attachments to people, things and situations.

Independence:

Stop expecting other people to give you the love and acceptance you should be giving yourself. Learn to meet your own needs, let go of expectations, and enter a healthy, inter-dependent relationship.

Optimism:

Optimism is not essential, but it makes life so much easier. An optimistic outlook, positive attitude and belief that everything happens for the best, can help you bounce back from your loss. Have faith that the best is yet to come.

It takes a lot of tears, hard work, and introspection to break the chains of the past. But it’s worth every moment! The feeling of freedom and contentment that you experience is just awesome.

Getting rid of your anger and hurt will help you stop blaming others for your pain, and allowed you to see your former partner as they really are – a wonderful, sensitive human being with the capacity to love, to care, and to hurt just as deeply as you.

It will allow you to love life again, to see the beauty in every experience, to be non-judgmental and open to new relationships.

No time spent in a relationship is ever wasted. Every experience is a lesson and only when you learn the lesson will you progress to the next level. So stop beating yourself up over all the years you “wasted” with that “loser.”

[bctt tweet=”Every experience is a lesson and only when you learn the lesson will you progress to the next level. “]

If it didn’t work, it was probably not meant to be. You can’t force someone to love you, just as you can’t force commitment or marriage. These are stages that should happen naturally, when it feels right for both people.

Contrary to popular opinion (and sad love songs) love is not meant to hurt. If you’re in pain, what you’re experiencing is not love, but attachment or codependence. Too often we fall in love, not with our partner, but with the IDEA of being in love.

[bctt tweet=”Too often we fall in love, not with our partner, but with the IDEA of being in love.”]

It’s best to let go of a relationship that’s causing too much pain. Instead of wallowing in the past and writing your own sad love song, do your inner work, get rid of the anger and disappointment and get on with your life.

Let go of your partner with love, so you can move past your hurt and learn to love again.

© Priya Florence Shah

10 Ways To Step Into Your Feminine Power

10813734_sIt’s not easy for a woman in India to be powerful in what is still, in many ways, a man’s world. Every day we encounter negativity from those who are threatened by the strides that women have made.

It’s reached the point where we feel that we either have to be a bimbo or a bitch to succeed. But we don’t have to be either. We just need to be human beings with the ability to express our unique gifts and talents.

Here I list 10 ways that have helped me live a bigger life and make choices that can have brought me the self-awareness, freedom and contentment I now enjoy.

1. Cultivate Self-Love and Self-Esteem

One of the most important things a woman must cultivate is her self-esteem and the ability to love herself. If your self-love and self-esteem are strong, you can bounce back from almost anything.

Having a healthy self-esteem gives you a positive outlook in life and this is reflected in your performance on the job, in your relationships and in the way you live your life.

2. Know that you ALWAYS have a choice

Most Indian women have this sense of hopelessness because we feel we have to make everyone happy, but ourselves. But remember that you ALWAYS have a choice – even if it is one that the people in your life do not agree with or believe is selfish.

As one of my teachers, Abraham- Hicks, says, “If you’re not selfish enough to connect to Source Energy (your Divine nature), you don’t have anything to give anybody anyway.”

Which brings me to the next point…

3. Nurture your Divine connection

As women we are definitely more intuitive and have the ability to easily connect to our Divine source of wisdom and well-being. The ones who gave the most, like Mother Theresa, were also the ones who were most connected to their Divine wisdom.

You have the same potential to share your unique gifts with the world – all you need to do is to start cultivating your spiritual life and listen to your inner guidance.

4. Cultivate empowering beliefs

Your life is a reflection of the beliefs you hold. Even if you say that you want to succeed, if your subconscious beliefs don’t match your desires, it will not happen. You need to become conscious of which beliefs are holding you back and clear them from your system.

As geek-speak goes, “Garbage In, Garbage Out”. What you put into your mind, you get out. If you fill your mind with endless negativity from soap operas, commercials and the mass media, your life will become a replica of what you see there.

[bctt tweet=”If you want to have empowering beliefs, only expose yourself to empowering thoughts. “]

Read empowering books, subscribe to empowering newsletters, stop watching TV (yes, it can be done) or watch less of it.

5. Be mindful of the company you keep

I read somewhere that you are the average of the 5 people closest to you in every area of your life. If you want to be more successful, hang out with people you admire and want to emulate, not with those who are in the same boat.

Success can be scary and the journey to the top can be lonely. Find a mentor and ask them to coach you. Spend your time with people who elevate you, not those who pull you down.

A very good quote I read recently is that [bctt tweet=”Your companions are like the buttons on an elevator. They will either take you up or they will take you down.”]

6. Never apologise for your success

Your family and friends might not support your goals and plans. Learn to draw strong boundaries with those who you cannot avoid.

Explain to those who offer “well-meaning” advice that, while you appreciate their input, you would like the freedom to make your own mistakes.

[bctt tweet=”Never put yourself down or underplay your achievements just to make the other person feel better. “]

As Marianne Williamson said, “when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

7. Take care of your body

Many Indian women stop caring for themselves after they have kids and reach middle-age. But the way you look tells the world a lot about your self-esteem.

You don’t have to go overboard and spend thousands on beauty treatments, because looking good is an inside job. If you feel good about yourself, you will naturally take pride in your appearance.

8. Invest in yourself

Invest time and money in learning and growing. Take courses, learn new skills. It will make a huge difference to your success, whether you have a business or career.

If you run a business, you will attract better quality clients who are also willing to invest in their own businesses. The logic is that “why would anyone invest in someone who is not willing to invest in themselves.”

9. Have fun

If you asked me the purpose of life, I would quote my teachers, Abraham-Hicks, who say that, “The Basis of your life is Freedom; the Purpose of your life is Joy.

If what you are doing does not bring you joy, ask why that is and what you can do to change it. Perhaps you want to do work that is more meaningful (many women do), even if you earn less money in the process.

Do whatever nurtures your spirit, whether that involves travel, hobbies or just spending time with friends and family who you can have a good laugh with. Don’t take life too seriously.

10. Seek help when you need it

If you have faced serious problems in your life and need professional help, go to a qualified psychologist or an energy healer. Better yet, learn to heal yourself. We all have the ability to do it and it’s just one more way to take care of yourself.

This is an excerpt from the book, Step Into Your Feminine Power And Rule Your World: 24 Empowering Ideas for the Modern Indian Woman, available on Amazon Kindle and Flipkart.com

© Priya Florence Shah