Category Archives: Women

Don’t Call Me Superwoman: A Feminist Poem

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Don’t Call Me Superwoman

A Feminist Poem by Priya Florence Shah

Don’t call me Superwoman
I don’t want to be your Mom
I don’t want to be your champion
Someone to fall back on

I want an equal partner
One who steps up to the plate
I want someone who plays his part
A friend, a steadfast mate

I’m not your superwoman
I do not multi-task
I will not cook or clean or care
If you don’t do your part

I need you to stand with me
We’ll walk side by side
And each of us will bear the load
Or don’t come for the ride

I’m not your superwoman
Become your maid, I won’t
I refuse to be responsible
For doing the things you don’t

You can pick up your own socks
Put your shoes on the rack
I refuse to be guilt-tripped
Into picking up your slack

Don’t call me Superwoman
I’m a human being like you
And deserve as much as anyone
Some love and self-care too

Dont Call Me Superwoman Poem

Why A Woman Should Be The First Person On Mars

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After watching The Martian, the movie where, for the third time, the USA spends an obscene amount of money to rescue Matt Damon from an untenable position (the first two being Saving Private Ryan and Interstellar), it got me thinking that maybe a woman should be the first to live on Mars.

According to my limited knowledge, not only do women need fewer calories than men to stay alive, they also deal with isolation better, as pioneering primatologist, Jane Goodall, proved so well on her mission to understand chimps in the jungles of Tanzania.

After a bit of research, I saw that I was not the only one who thought so. A number of researchers have also felt the same way, and there are many arguments for a woman being the first person to live on Mars, in the way that Matt Damon did in The Martian.

Women Can Survive Isolation Better

JerrieCobb_MercuryCapsulePrimary among them are the fact that female astronauts display better communication skills and deal better with isolation than male astronauts, as Chinese space officials have found. Similar results were found during the testing of the Mercury 13.

Surviving long periods of isolation is no mean feat and can be “mentally draining”, as the six man crew of the Mars500 project learned in 2011.

The Mars500 project, which locked six men in steel tubes for 18 months, was undertaken by the European Space Agency at a Moscow institute, and was intended to find out how the human mind and body would cope on a long-duration spaceflight.

All the members of the crew were men, but it would be interesting to see the results of a similar study with women participants.

Some Men Develop Disabling Health Issues

Besides the fact that NASA’s height restrictions (you have to be between 4’ 11” to 6’ 3’’ to qualify for the astronaut program) favour women, several male astronauts have developed problems like permanent vision impairment in space. All of them were in orbit 6 months or less. So far, no women have experienced lasting vision issues.

Other than being more prone to issues that are not mission critical, such as motion sickness (which passes quickly) and UTI (which can be treated), women do have about twice the risk of radiation induced cancer than men do, which is why NASA allows women only half as much lifetime space flight as men.

But radiation is a risk that might have to be solved for everyone, not just for women as the video here notes.

Women Consume Fewer Calories

It also may turn out to be cheaper to send women to other planets. Women have a lower caloric requirement and need less food to do the same activity as men. That means less mass transport, less propellant and less cost.

According to an article in News.com.au, Kate Greene took part in and documented a four month study in which six ‘crew-members’ lived in a simulated Mars expedition camp on the side of Hawaii’s Mauna Loa volcano.

She found that “it was rare for a woman on crew to burn 2,000 calories in a day and common for male crew members to exceed 3,000,” even when everyone was getting the same amount of exercise.

“At mealtime, the women took smaller portions than the men, who often went back for seconds,” she said. In an environment where every kilo counts, and not only do lower caloric needs reduce costs, so does the on-average smaller personal mass of female astronauts.

Neither NASA’s nor Russia’s space program have given women a great deal of importance. I’m not a supporter of an all-women crew, and believe instead that a mixed crew of men and women would be the best way to deal with the issues that space pioneers face. Both men and women have different strengths that complement each other, in this regard.

But, do I think a woman would have been more believable in Matt Damon’s role? Yes, if only for the caloric requirements of the ordeal of spending over 500 Sols on Mars.

the-martian-matt-damon-2015

So what do you think? Are women better geared for the trials and tribulations of colonizing Mars?

As for the question, “Why Matt Damon?”, it’s probably because, were someone to get left behind on Mars accidentally, it might as well be Matt Damon. According to Hollywood, he’s the one person that the USA would spend billions of dollars rescuing, from any place in the Universe.

How To Transform Your Relationship With Yourself

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How To Transform Your Relationship With Yourself

How we see the world and interpret the actions of others depends on our relationship with our self. To change your relationships with others, you’ve got to change your relationship with yourself.

Why do we feel unhappy or unfulfilled in our relationships? Why do we complain, judge others or blame them for our problems? Usually, it’s because we feel that way about our self.

Our relationships and life experiences are a reflection of our inner world. How we see the world and interpret the actions of others depends on our relationship with our self.

To change your relationships with others, you’ve got to change your relationship with yourself.

[bctt tweet=”To change your relationships with others, you’ve got to change your relationship with yourself.”]

Own your feelings

Accept that you alone are responsible for the way you think and feel. No one can make you feel that way. Own responsibility for allowing yourself to feel the way you do.

Be self-aware

Step back and observe yourself from a distance. How do you react to people and situations? Are you reacting unconsciously from the “wounded child” or responding in a calm, compassionate manner? When you’re conscious and aware of your feelings in a situation, you have the power to respond, rather than react.

Be authentic

Be true to yourself. There’s no need to put on a mask or a persona for someone else. You are perfect, whole and complete the way you are.

Love yourself unconditionally

Accept yourself for who you are, the parts you like, the parts you don’t. You’re part of divine creation. When you know and believe that, you will love and accept yourself the way you are.

Never belittle yourself

Never put yourself down or disrespect yourself. Don’t allow anyone else to treat you in a way that you don’t approve of. Never accept less than what you deserve – from yourself or anyone else.

Take care of yourself first

Remember the airline stewardess telling you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person next to you? You can’t take care of someone else, your family, or your kids, if you don’t take care of yourself first. Make yourself and your health a priority and do what it takes to get well, in every way.

Get in touch with your Higher Self

Your intuition is your Higher Self, the self that knows without knowing, sees without seeing. It is this self that will guide you towards your higher purpose. Any time you spend in meditation, prayer or solitude, cultivating your relationship with your higher self, will be time well spent.

Learn to connect with yourself at a deeper level, find your purpose, and understand your role in the universe. It will transform your relationship with yourself, and with everyone in your life.

© Priya Florence Shah

10 Ways To Step Into Your Feminine Power

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10813734_sIt’s not easy for a woman in India to be powerful in what is still, in many ways, a man’s world. Every day we encounter negativity from those who are threatened by the strides that women have made.

It’s reached the point where we feel that we either have to be a bimbo or a bitch to succeed. But we don’t have to be either. We just need to be human beings with the ability to express our unique gifts and talents.

Here I list 10 ways that have helped me live a bigger life and make choices that can have brought me the self-awareness, freedom and contentment I now enjoy.

1. Cultivate Self-Love and Self-Esteem

One of the most important things a woman must cultivate is her self-esteem and the ability to love herself. If your self-love and self-esteem are strong, you can bounce back from almost anything.

Having a healthy self-esteem gives you a positive outlook in life and this is reflected in your performance on the job, in your relationships and in the way you live your life.

2. Know that you ALWAYS have a choice

Most Indian women have this sense of hopelessness because we feel we have to make everyone happy, but ourselves. But remember that you ALWAYS have a choice – even if it is one that the people in your life do not agree with or believe is selfish.

As one of my teachers, Abraham- Hicks, says, “If you’re not selfish enough to connect to Source Energy (your Divine nature), you don’t have anything to give anybody anyway.”

Which brings me to the next point…

3. Nurture your Divine connection

As women we are definitely more intuitive and have the ability to easily connect to our Divine source of wisdom and well-being. The ones who gave the most, like Mother Theresa, were also the ones who were most connected to their Divine wisdom.

You have the same potential to share your unique gifts with the world – all you need to do is to start cultivating your spiritual life and listen to your inner guidance.

4. Cultivate empowering beliefs

Your life is a reflection of the beliefs you hold. Even if you say that you want to succeed, if your subconscious beliefs don’t match your desires, it will not happen. You need to become conscious of which beliefs are holding you back and clear them from your system.

As geek-speak goes, “Garbage In, Garbage Out”. What you put into your mind, you get out. If you fill your mind with endless negativity from soap operas, commercials and the mass media, your life will become a replica of what you see there.

[bctt tweet=”If you want to have empowering beliefs, only expose yourself to empowering thoughts. “]

Read empowering books, subscribe to empowering newsletters, stop watching TV (yes, it can be done) or watch less of it.

5. Be mindful of the company you keep

I read somewhere that you are the average of the 5 people closest to you in every area of your life. If you want to be more successful, hang out with people you admire and want to emulate, not with those who are in the same boat.

Success can be scary and the journey to the top can be lonely. Find a mentor and ask them to coach you. Spend your time with people who elevate you, not those who pull you down.

A very good quote I read recently is that [bctt tweet=”Your companions are like the buttons on an elevator. They will either take you up or they will take you down.”]

6. Never apologise for your success

Your family and friends might not support your goals and plans. Learn to draw strong boundaries with those who you cannot avoid.

Explain to those who offer “well-meaning” advice that, while you appreciate their input, you would like the freedom to make your own mistakes.

[bctt tweet=”Never put yourself down or underplay your achievements just to make the other person feel better. “]

As Marianne Williamson said, “when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

7. Take care of your body

Many Indian women stop caring for themselves after they have kids and reach middle-age. But the way you look tells the world a lot about your self-esteem.

You don’t have to go overboard and spend thousands on beauty treatments, because looking good is an inside job. If you feel good about yourself, you will naturally take pride in your appearance.

8. Invest in yourself

Invest time and money in learning and growing. Take courses, learn new skills. It will make a huge difference to your success, whether you have a business or career.

If you run a business, you will attract better quality clients who are also willing to invest in their own businesses. The logic is that “why would anyone invest in someone who is not willing to invest in themselves.”

9. Have fun

If you asked me the purpose of life, I would quote my teachers, Abraham-Hicks, who say that, “The Basis of your life is Freedom; the Purpose of your life is Joy.”

If what you are doing does not bring you joy, ask why that is and what you can do to change it. Perhaps you want to do work that is more meaningful (many women do), even if you earn less money in the process.

Do whatever nurtures your spirit, whether that involves travel, hobbies or just spending time with friends and family who you can have a good laugh with. Don’t take life too seriously.

10. Seek help when you need it

If you have faced serious problems in your life and need professional help, go to a qualified psychologist or an energy healer. Better yet, learn to heal yourself. We all have the ability to do it and it’s just one more way to take care of yourself.

This is an excerpt from the book, Step Into Your Feminine Power And Rule Your World: 24 Empowering Ideas for the Modern Indian Woman, available on Amazon Kindle and Flipkart.com

© Priya Florence Shah

How To Stop Trying To Please Everyone And Get Your Life Back

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[bctt tweet=”Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. ~ Lao Tzu”]

The disease to please is very common, especially among women and even more so among those who suffer from low self-esteem. While the need for acceptance or belonging is a normal human need, it is also true that acceptance begins with the acceptance of the self, first.

8007651_sThe need to please everyone or be a “people pleaser” stems from a lack of self-love and self-acceptance that causes us to try to get what we need from other people instead of giving it to ourselves.

But when you spend your life trying to please others, you are essentially giving your power away and making them responsible for your happiness. When you act like a “people-pleaser”, you give up your own needs, ignore your own inner voice and give up your self-respect and dignity to make others happy.

In doing that you are not doing anyone a favor. Instead you invite people to treat you with disrespect and to exploit you. Your unhappiness stems not from the fact that others are taking you for granted or treating you badly, but because, in working to gain their approval, you are treating yourself badly.

It is our own lack of self-worth and self-esteem that causes us to seek approval from sources outside of ourselves. In our efforts to keep everyone else happy, we end up doing too much and catering to everyone’s whims.

We continue to feel unappreciated and our feelings of resentment get stronger and stronger until we can no longer ignore them. When we do things to garner approval from others and don’t get the approval we seek, we end up resentful, burn out physically and emotionally and collapse from exhaustion or depression.

It’s not easy to give up approval seeking behavior when your self-acceptance and self-esteem are practically non-existent. The cure for this is to focus on building your sense of self-worth and realizing that you are worthy of love and acceptance just for being you.

Your sense of self-worth will then becomes so strong that even another person’s disapproval will not shake the belief that you are deserving of love and affection, for the only reason that you exist.

Take note of your motives when you offer to do something for someone else. Are you doing it because you expect something (love, affection, acceptance) in return, or without any expectations of them reciprocating your caring?

[bctt tweet=”Are you acting from a place of fullness and love or from a place of lack and wanting?”]

If you’ve made people pleasing and caretaking others a habit, it will be hard to change unless you remain ever vigilant of your actions and motives.

You can get out of people-pleasing mode by starting to allow your family and friends to do things for themselves. From folding their own clothes and putting them away to helping out in the kitchen, get your family to chip in and support you in taking care of yourself.

You are not doing your loved ones a favour by doing everything for them. Instead you are making them dependent on you, for the wrong reasons. Allow them to take over their own chores and start taking care of yourself for a change. You can grow your self-esteem and self-worth by doing good things for yourself.

Practice extreme self-care and stop doing everything for others, especially when you realize that you are doing them for unhealthy reasons. When you take loving action on your own behalf, you will have more faith in your ability to do what is right for yourself and your sense of self-esteem will increase.

Take small actions everyday to nurture yourself. Cultivate positive self talk and do not be critical with yourself. Over a period of time your beliefs will change and you will be able to resist the unhealthy lure of approval seeking behavior.

© Priya Florence Shah

This is an excerpt from the book, “From Doormat to Devi: 10 Steps To Stop Overfunctioning In Relationships And Take Your Life Back” available on online bookstores.

Why Independence Is Attractive In A Woman

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Woman Independent
As a woman who’s experienced her fair share of personal tragedy and failed relationships, I feel very strongly that a woman should be completely independent of her man.

I don’t mean that you should never let a man do anything for you. Independence to me means being able to take care of my own needs in a healthy manner, with or without a man.

Independence promotes self-worth and self-esteem. It also gives you the confidence to walk away from unpleasant or abusive situations.

Healthy, secure men are attracted to independent, confident women. It’s insecure men that like women who are clingy and dependent. And that’s definitely not the sort of man you want to attract.

Being the “damsel in distress” will only attract undesirable behaviour from people around you, which is why a healthy level of independence is crucial in every woman’s life.

There are six forms of independence I believe every woman should cultivate:

1. Physical Independence:

I have seen codependent women fake illness (or choose to believe that they’re ill) to get attention and get taken care of by their family. Really, how empowering can it be to have someone else take care of all your physical needs?

Unless you suffer from a serious illness or disability, simple things like buying groceries, managing your bank accounts, and paying your bills are things you should be able to do for yourself, even if you live with someone else.

Take responsibility for your own health and well-being. [bctt tweet=”When you allow yourself to be a burden to others, you become vulnerable to abuse or abandonment.”]

2. Sexual Independence:

Learning to pleasure oneself can be very empowering for a woman. Men do it all the time, so there’s no reason why women can’t. If you can meet your own sexual needs in a healthy manner, you’ll never have to settle for one-night stands or relationships that are demeaning.

Because of conditioning by family and society, many women are not even comfortable with exploring their own bodies. False beliefs about sex and our own bodies can lead to sexual incompatibility and unhappiness in marriage.

For the sake of your marriage and relationships, learn to get comfortable with your own body. If you know how to pleasure yourself, you can help your partner pleasure you better.

3. Financial Independence:

Many women still expect a man to be the provider and a source of security. A man who has a home and car is seen as a better match than one who doesn’t. But like us women, men want to be loved for themselves, not for what they can give us.

If you depend on a man financially, you’ll always be at his mercy, willing to tolerate abusive or disrespectful behaviour because you cannot fend for yourself. [bctt tweet=”Relationships built on a foundation of neediness are doomed to fail, or be unhappy for one or both people.”]

Unless a woman is taking care of kids and the home – a job in itself – she should not be financially dependent on a man. At the very least, she should be educated or capable of using her skills and talents to stand on her own two feet, should her man pass away or leave the relationship.

Being financially independent boosts your self-worth, and gives you the freedom to make better choices in relationships. You’re less likely to tolerate disrespect or abuse if you know you can take care of yourself.

4. Emotional Independence:

This is the ability to deal with emotional issues and problems on your own. If you are emotionally needy and clingy, you’ll attract insecure men. Neediness will not only attract potential abusers, but will also drive away a good man looking for a strong, independent woman.

If you’re having trouble learning how to meet your own emotional needs, I recommend you read the book “Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child” by Margaret Paul. It helped me heal some of my deepest wounds and learn to depend less on others for my emotional needs.

5. Spiritual Independence:

A good man wants to be with an independent-thinking woman, someone who has her own opinions, not one who agrees to everything he says.

Being an independent thinker means having the courage to stand by your beliefs, speak your mind, and follow the path that feels right for you. It makes you less likely to attract a man who is controlling and tries to dictate what you should think, read or believe in.

Independence is attractive because it gives a woman the freedom to make better choices and enter a healthy, authentic, inter-dependent relationship on her own terms.

[bctt tweet=”Independence is attractive because it gives a woman the freedom to make better choices “]

6. Social Independence

Harsh Shrivastava suggested I include this point, and I agree. “Women should have their own network (including online) of friends, advisers, guides, mentors, and even mentees – of both genders,” says Harsh. “A woman should not depend only on relatives or her man’s friends, but have her own set of people to lean on and learn from and have fun with.”

Copyright © Priya Florence Shah