Priya Florence Shah

Bestselling Author, Award-Winning Blogger, Storyteller & Poet

To Be A Champion – Become A Child

Posted on May 14, 2015 by Priya Florence Shah

Have you ever wondered what successful people have that makes them successful? Ever wonder how those champion achievers in your company manage, month after month, to get the most new business, the biggest bonuses, the largest paychecks?

Well let me tell you a secret. No one starts out as a Champion. Most of them started out like you and me. So what is it that makes a Champion different from the rest?

Champions have an attitude, a mindset that sets them apart from the rest. But most of these qualities are not exceptional.

Indeed each and every one of us possesses these qualities when we start out in life. But somewhere along the way we tend to lose them and diminish our own potential.

[bctt tweet=”To be a Champion, you must first become a Child! “] Let me explain:

1. Champions are Willing to Learn.

Children come into this world with an innate desire to learn, to understand the world around them. They’re like sponges observing and absorbing every fact, every reaction. Because they know that their very survival depends on it.

One of the most important, and oft-repeated, qualities we need to succeed in business is a willingness to learn – to be teachable. To become a champion, you must be willing to educate yourself or be educated, to read about, learn and absorb all the things you need to know, even if they are completely new to you.

If you don’t, you’re doomed to fail from the start.

2. Champions are Willing to Act

Have you notice how children completely geared towards action? As soon as they learn a new skill, they want to put it into action.

Champions are the same. They put their newly learned skills to use, taking concrete steps to improve their performance, so they can take their business to the next level.

They know that they must act on what they have learned, even if they haven’t perfected it. Which brings me to their next quality.

3. Champions are Not Afraid to Fail

Just as a child picks itself up again and again, every time it falls while taking its first steps, champions are not afraid to fall down or fail. They know that failure is the best teacher. They learn from their mistakes and keep fine-tuning their methods till they succeed.

[bctt tweet=”Champions have the courage to fall down and not be discouraged. “] They pick themselves up and keep trying.

4. Champions are Willing to Adapt

Survival does not happen to the Fittest, but to the Most Adaptable. As children, we adapt to long-term change relatively easily. We are more willing to accept situations and adapt our behaviour accordingly.

Unfortunately, as we grow older, we become more rigid in our thinking, unwilling to accept that there may be better ways of doing things. In a changing business scenario, resistance to change makes us obsolete. We end up losing out to players with a better understanding of changing trends.

[bctt tweet=”Champions are those who can adapt themselves and their business to changing trends.”]

5. Champions are Willing to Innovate

Children are extremely inventive beings. They come into this world with no preconceived notions of doing things. In their minds there are no limits to what they can do or how they can do it.

Champions apply these very principles to take their business to the top. They not only learn from what has been done before. They find ways of doing it more efficiently, more cheaply, more successfully.

You don’t have to be like a child in all respects to succeed. It’s probably not even desirable. But if your pre-conceived notions, fears and hesitation are preventing you from reaching your goals, try looking at the world through a child’s eyes.

At best you will improve your chances of success, at worst you’ll remain young at heart.

© Priya Florence Shah

How To Stop Trying To Please Everyone And Get Your Life Back

Posted on April 20, 2015 by Priya Florence Shah

[bctt tweet=”Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. ~ Lao Tzu”]

The disease to please is very common, especially among women and even more so among those who suffer from low self-esteem. While the need for acceptance or belonging is a normal human need, it is also true that acceptance begins with the acceptance of the self, first.

The need to please everyone or be a “people pleaser” stems from a lack of self-love and self-acceptance that causes us to try to get what we need from other people instead of giving it to ourselves.

But when you spend your life trying to please others, you are essentially giving your power away and making them responsible for your happiness. When you act like a “people-pleaser”, you give up your own needs, ignore your own inner voice and give up your self-respect and dignity to make others happy.

In doing that you are not doing anyone a favor. Instead you invite people to treat you with disrespect and to exploit you. Your unhappiness stems not from the fact that others are taking you for granted or treating you badly, but because, in working to gain their approval, you are treating yourself badly.

It is our own lack of self-worth and self-esteem that causes us to seek approval from sources outside of ourselves. In our efforts to keep everyone else happy, we end up doing too much and catering to everyone’s whims.

We continue to feel unappreciated and our feelings of resentment get stronger and stronger until we can no longer ignore them. When we do things to garner approval from others and don’t get the approval we seek, we end up resentful, burn out physically and emotionally and collapse from exhaustion or depression.

It’s not easy to give up approval seeking behavior when your self-acceptance and self-esteem are practically non-existent. The cure for this is to focus on building your sense of self-worth and realizing that you are worthy of love and acceptance just for being you.

Your sense of self-worth will then becomes so strong that even another person’s disapproval will not shake the belief that you are deserving of love and affection, for the only reason that you exist.

Take note of your motives when you offer to do something for someone else. Are you doing it because you expect something (love, affection, acceptance) in return, or without any expectations of them reciprocating your caring?

[bctt tweet=”Are you acting from a place of fullness and love or from a place of lack and wanting?”]

If you’ve made people pleasing and caretaking others a habit, it will be hard to change unless you remain ever vigilant of your actions and motives.

You can get out of people-pleasing mode by starting to allow your family and friends to do things for themselves. From folding their own clothes and putting them away to helping out in the kitchen, get your family to chip in and support you in taking care of yourself.

You are not doing your loved ones a favour by doing everything for them. Instead you are making them dependent on you, for the wrong reasons. Allow them to take over their own chores and start taking care of yourself for a change. You can grow your self-esteem and self-worth by doing good things for yourself.

Practice extreme self-care and stop doing everything for others, especially when you realize that you are doing them for unhealthy reasons. When you take loving action on your own behalf, you will have more faith in your ability to do what is right for yourself and your sense of self-esteem will increase.

Take small actions everyday to nurture yourself. Cultivate positive self talk and do not be critical with yourself. Over a period of time your beliefs will change and you will be able to resist the unhealthy lure of approval seeking behavior.

© Priya Florence Shah

This is an excerpt from the book, “From Doormat to Devi: 10 Steps To Stop Overfunctioning In Relationships And Take Your Life Back” available on online bookstores.

Why Independence Is Attractive In A Woman

Posted on April 2, 2015 by Priya Florence Shah

As a woman who’s experienced her fair share of personal tragedy and failed relationships, I feel very strongly that a woman should be completely independent of her man.

I don’t mean that you should never let a man do anything for you. Independence to me means being able to take care of my own needs in a healthy manner, with or without a man.

Independence promotes self-worth and self-esteem. It also gives you the confidence to walk away from unpleasant or abusive situations.

Healthy, secure men are attracted to independent, confident women. It’s insecure men that like women who are clingy and dependent. And that’s definitely not the sort of man you want to attract.

Being the “damsel in distress” will only attract undesirable behaviour from people around you, which is why a healthy level of independence is crucial in every woman’s life.

There are six forms of independence I believe every woman should cultivate:

1. Physical Independence:

I have seen codependent women fake illness (or choose to believe that they’re ill) to get attention and get taken care of by their family. Really, how empowering can it be to have someone else take care of all your physical needs?

Unless you suffer from a serious illness or disability, simple things like buying groceries, managing your bank accounts, and paying your bills are things you should be able to do for yourself, even if you live with someone else.

Take responsibility for your own health and well-being. [bctt tweet=”When you allow yourself to be a burden to others, you become vulnerable to abuse or abandonment.”]

2. Sexual Independence:

Learning to pleasure oneself can be very empowering for a woman. Men do it all the time, so there’s no reason why women can’t. If you can meet your own sexual needs in a healthy manner, you’ll never have to settle for one-night stands or relationships that are demeaning.

Because of conditioning by family and society, many women are not even comfortable with exploring their own bodies. False beliefs about sex and our own bodies can lead to sexual incompatibility and unhappiness in marriage.

For the sake of your marriage and relationships, learn to get comfortable with your own body. If you know how to pleasure yourself, you can help your partner pleasure you better.

3. Financial Independence:

Many women still expect a man to be the provider and a source of security. A man who has a home and car is seen as a better match than one who doesn’t. But like us women, men want to be loved for themselves, not for what they can give us.

If you depend on a man financially, you’ll always be at his mercy, willing to tolerate abusive or disrespectful behaviour because you cannot fend for yourself. [bctt tweet=”Relationships built on a foundation of neediness are doomed to fail, or be unhappy for one or both people.”]

Unless a woman is taking care of kids and the home – a job in itself – she should not be financially dependent on a man. At the very least, she should be educated or capable of using her skills and talents to stand on her own two feet, should her man pass away or leave the relationship.

Being financially independent boosts your self-worth, and gives you the freedom to make better choices in relationships. You’re less likely to tolerate disrespect or abuse if you know you can take care of yourself.

4. Emotional Independence:

This is the ability to deal with emotional issues and problems on your own. If you are emotionally needy and clingy, you’ll attract insecure men. Neediness will not only attract potential abusers, but will also drive away a good man looking for a strong, independent woman.

If you’re having trouble learning how to meet your own emotional needs, I recommend you read the book “Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child” by Margaret Paul. It helped me heal some of my deepest wounds and learn to depend less on others for my emotional needs.

5. Spiritual Independence:

A good man wants to be with an independent-thinking woman, someone who has her own opinions, not one who agrees to everything he says.

Being an independent thinker means having the courage to stand by your beliefs, speak your mind, and follow the path that feels right for you. It makes you less likely to attract a man who is controlling and tries to dictate what you should think, read or believe in.

Independence is attractive because it gives a woman the freedom to make better choices and enter a healthy, authentic, inter-dependent relationship on her own terms.

[bctt tweet=”Independence is attractive because it gives a woman the freedom to make better choices “]

6. Social Independence

Harsh Shrivastava suggested I include this point, and I agree. “Women should have their own network (including online) of friends, advisers, guides, mentors, and even mentees – of both genders,” says Harsh. “A woman should not depend only on relatives or her man’s friends, but have her own set of people to lean on and learn from and have fun with.”